Day 30: Five good things that have happened since beginning this blog challenge.

Really, I stopped at 29? ....29?! I only had to write 1 more to be finished. Tiiiiicked...

Here I am now. Like an injured runner at a marathon exclaiming, "I have to cross the finish!"  But not quite so noble. At all. Hm, should I have even used that analogy?

Here goes.

1. Duh. Had my baby girl! :)
Now I have 2 little rays of sunshine in my life, and it's totally amazing.

2. Nick and I found a new church home.
While I still feel a tug at my heart every time I pass by what was my church home for over 20 years (AKA, my entire life until now), the switch has been good for us. We're making new friends and learning something new in our faith all the time.

3. Gotten less lazy/more organized.
Weird "good thing", I know. But it's really true! Nick and I used to fight all the time because of the way I left the house totally trashed all the time (I don't blame him, it was really a pig sty), but this year for my New Year's resolution, I resolved to keep our living space cleaner. And I have! Plus I've done it so often now, things being a big mess really bugs me, and before I didn't really mind living in filth. Ew.

4. Doing more photography.
I cannot beliiiieve people think I'm good enough to PAY ME to take their pictures! Ah! How cool is that? Makes my heart swell. :)

5. Getting to be a SAHM.
So thankful that Nick finally got a new job, and I get to stay home with my babies! I wrote in my diary when Ryan was born that I so wished we could afford to do that, and here we are. We are so blessed!

Ah. Finished.

That feels good.

I have a Pinterest success story to share with you tomorrow, so come on back for that.

Have a fab day!
XOXO,
Nat

Day 29: 3 Wishes.

1. I wish that I always knew the right thing to say and when to say it.

2. I wish me and mine would always know the peace and security of the Lord.

3. I wish relationships didn't fall apart.

Day 28: Something that stresses me out.

I want to get going and finish this up, because I have another one in mind that I really want to do. Maybe I'll make that a WEEKLY thing instead of every day, because I didn't do this very well. Haha.

Something that stresses me out?

Keeping up with blog posts! (I kid, I kid)

Seriously, though? Money. I mean, the majority of marriages end in divorce over financial reasons, you know? I don't blame 'em...

LMAO! I kid again! :)

When I said the words, "For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer" I don't think I fully grasped just exactly what I was saying. I don't think a lot of people do. I think what I meant to say was, "For better, or worse when you won't let me go on my 2nd shopping spree that week, for richer or for poorer if for some random crazy reason our house caught fire and burned down. At least poorer until the insurance gave us a bunch of money and all was right in the world again."

You know, or something like that.

Like, you don't think that the "for poorer" part is going to be the majority of the time. For richer comes first, and then the poorer part is kind of a side note or an afterthought. I'll love you even if it happens, but it probably won't.

Lawls. Expectations fail.

It's such an annoying necessity of life, isn't it? And I struggle to find a balance between what really is necessary and what's just fluff. Hate it.

So there you go. Money stresses me out. Or lack thereof....

Day 27: A Child I Love (J.O.Y.)

My newest little nephew was born June 30th, 2011 at 6:41pm. When my mom called me to tell me the news she said,

"I have some bad news. Laurie had the baby..."

My mind was already a flurry of emotions. My little sister Emilie just had a her baby boy 3 months ago, who pierced a hole in his left lung with his first big gulp of air. He had a week-long stay in the NICU, but has since been a very happy, healthy (chubby!) baby. I was not prepared for what she said next.

"...He didn't make it."

I was sitting in the car, at the gas station, waiting for Nick to drop Ryan off with me. I shed a few, silent tears as my heart ached for my brother and his family. What happened? Was the question on my mind, because more information was to come later.
My mom called again later in the evening, to tell me about the knot in his cord, and to ask if I would come with her the next day to the funeral home for arrangements.
I was really nervous. I rambled on the phone quite a long time with lame excuses. I don't know, what about Ryan, whatever. The next morning I was pretty certain I wasn't going to make it, but then Nick's mom called me back and was more than willing to watch Ry for me. Everything worked out and I was going.
I wasn't very emotional until the moment we pulled up outside of the funeral home. I saw my brother, hugging my crying sister-in-law with her recently vacated baby bump...my heart jumped into my throat and I stayed in the car for a minute. It hadn't even been 24 hours. She should be in bed. Don't cry...don't cry...
That thought didn't last long. The funeral director, sweet lady, showed us into a room...and Laurie came over to give me a hug. That was the end for me. The floodgates opened and would not be stopped for the next 3 hours.
I watched, sobbing silently on the sidelines as my family picked between angels or teddy bears for the headstone and a small or a "medium" (still very small) casket. In the end offering profuse words of gratefulness for a free burial plot.
The kids out at the house provided some relief. It's amazing how quickly life can go on for them. Their youngest, Molly, greeted me with a, "Hi...mom's baby died." And her and Levi gave me a sad look before changing the subject and then going to play.

I went straight to Ryan's room when we arrived back home, and looked at him snoozing peacefully in his crib. After coming out to thank Nick's parents for watching him, I went and scooped him up and just sat rocking him for a little while. Thanking the Lord that he was still in my care.

On the ride over the next day my chest tightened up the moment we got on the long stretch of road toward the funeral home. I couldn't breathe. I thought I would be okay yesterday and then I had broken down and couldn't stop. What was I going to be like this time?
Deep breaths.
My Aunt Sherry greeted us when we walked in. "Go on and see." she said.
It frightened me. I hadn't even settled in my own mind what I planned to do. It was a viewing, not the funeral. People weren't going to force me into a line, were they?
I didn't want to go up. I couldn't go up. I knew I would be a mess. I couldn't even look at the empty casket the day before...I couldn't do this.
My mom found me lingering in the ladies room after changing Ryan and had words with me. I started to get angry and defensive about my position. "You can't make me go up there." I said before I walked out.
I passed Ryan off to Nick and twiddled my thumbs in the back longer. Stealing glances up front. There were no excuses. Only their youngest son, Levi, stood by the little box. Nobody was pushing me, nobody was holding me back. I stood, took Ryan from Nick again and squeezed him tightly to me and went up.
I felt oddly calm. The closer I got, the closer I wanted to get. I saw his little face and loved him so much more immediately. His wild little head of hair that so much heartburn was endured for. I smiled. What was I afraid of? He was adorable. Ryan looked at him for a moment, too. He's been around babies before, and loves other kids. After the moment he looked back at me, I think expecting me to say, "Look, Ryan. Baby! Be nice."
I walked away with a sad smile on my face. He was so sweet. I didn't get a chance to go back up again, but I would have. I cried after the prayer, but not again for the rest of our time there.

Sitting on the couch back home later that night, I was staring off into space...thinking. Nick sat by me and brushed my hair behind my ear. "What's wrong?"
I automatically answered nothing, because there wasn't any one particularly thing I had been focusing on. Just the general events of the day... But I was curious. "Why do you ask?"
"You look pretty depressed."
I thought for a moment..."It's just, we've been waiting so, so long for him and now it's over. It all happened so fast. They'll bury him on Tuesday and then...then we'll all go back to our lives and just leave him there."
I choked at the end of that sentence. It was just so sad.
Nick hugged me tightly. "Hey, no, it's not like that." he said. "They aren't leaving him. He's not there. He's in Heaven."

That thought, even though everyone had been saying it for the past few days is what finally set my mind at ease. He wasn't there. Nobody was leaving him. We would see him again someday and we'll never forget him.
And we ended up discussing how horrible losing a baby, or any loved one would be for an atheist or unbeliever. But especially the loss of a child. Because you may be able to justify in your mind the loss of an adult life...but if you believe there's nothing? If you believe you live and die and nothing? Then your loss carries only despair. There's no hope in the future, because your future has just ended with death. You really would just lose them and leave them there...how awful.

I can't imagine, seeing how emotional I am and how much love I have for my family and their baby I never even held...how they must feel. I don't know what I would do if it was me...I wouldn't be as strong, I know that for sure. They smiled, they talked about other things, they cried and talked about how cute he was, they looked up verses that carried his initials (J.O.Y.) with promises for a brighter tomorrow. Laurie is talking, eating, smiling, joking, taking care of her kids. Every so often rubbing her belly absentmindedly.

I, and hundreds of others who never knew you, love you, Jack Oliver Young. And we can be happy that you had a cozy womb life for 9 months and then were born straight into the arms of Jesus.

Day 26: My Dream Wedding

My real wedding was a little under 2 years ago, so I don't have all that many regrets about that day..yet. However, if I could go back and make it my dream wedding, here are the few things I know I would have changed.

1. I would have curled my hair longer, and secured it tighter. That way I wouldn't have flipped out on my mom at the reception when one of my braids came tumbling down and rubberbands were at the opposite end of the building.

2. I would have tied my champagne colored sash around my waist and topped it off with the gorgeous brooch we bought for it. Instead of totally forgetting all about them.

3. I would have trained somebody to secure my dress up for the reception.

4. I would have written down my speech or not given one at all.

5. I would have spent longer searching for the perfect pair of shoes to wear all night...instead of settling for ones that pinched my feet and changing into $2 house slippers for later.

6. I would have applied clinical strength deodorant, and had someone follow me around with a fan.

7. I wouldn't have posed like a weirdo in all of my pictures.

8. I would have worked a little closer with my florist...because apparently we were on totally different pages.

That's all I got. :P

Day 25: First 10 songs on your iPod shuffle

I'm going to cheat and use my Playlist Shuffle. Because my iPod is dead and I never listen to it. :P

#1. Gotta Get Through This - Daniel Bedingfield.
"Give me just a second and I'll be alright. Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart. Give me 'til tomorrow and I'll be okay. Just another day and then I'll hold you tight."

#2 Salt in the Snow - The Classic Crime.
"I took you for granted again. And threw you aside and pretended for one minute that I had control of my life and the direction it seemed to be in. I was wrong again. Are you listening?"


#3. Tonight - FM Static.
"I remember the days we spent together were not enough. And you still feel like dreaming except we always woke up. Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much."

#4. Careless Whisper - Seether.
"Tonight the music seems so loud. I wish that we could lose this crowd. Maybe it's better this way...we'd hurt each other with the things we want to say."

#5.  Simple and Clean - Utada Hikaru.
"Wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water? When we are older you'll understand it's enough when I say so. And maybe some things are that simple."

#6. Monster - Skillet.
 "My secret side I keep under lock and key. I keep him caged, but I can't control it. Cause if I let him out...he'll tear me up, bring me down. Why won't somebody come and save me from this?"

#7. The Call - Regina Spektor.
"Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light. You'll come back when it's over. No need to say goodbye. You'll come back when it's over. No need to say...goodbye."
 
#8. Everything - Michael Buble
"And I can't believe that I'm your man. And I get to kiss you baby just because I can. Oh, whatever comes our way we'll see it through. And you know that's what our love can do."

#9. My Immortal - Evanescense
"I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along."

#10. Listen to your Heart - Roxette.
"Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile. The precious moments are all lost in the tide. They're swept away and nothing is what it seems...the feeling of belonging to your dreams."

Probably not the 10 songs I would have picked....but that's what came up on the shuffle! 

Day 24: Something you've learned

Okay, so I totally thought today was going to be iPod shuffle, and I was all excited and have it here all ready to go. Nooooooooope. It's "something you've learned." Which I am not nearly as excited about. Especially now that I was all hyped up on the music thing. Sheesh.

Something I have recently learned about myself is that I need to calm the heck down before I make a big drama about a situation.
Seriously, I have never thought of myself as being a drama queen. Like an "OMG, I just broke a naaaail WAHH!" type.

I am.

I totally am.

I think I used to be tougher than that, but I've wimped out more and more as life has progressed. I hate getting made fun of. "Can't you take a joke?!" No, actually, I can't. I'll probably go home and cry afterwards.

I just freak out about everything. I freaked out about streaking my hair at home, and then everybody said they liked it. I freaked about doing some girls hair for prom, and then they said they liked it. I freak out about taking horrible pictures and everybody says they like them. I just...get so emotional about everythiiiing.

So last time I went and got my hair dyed at the salon, I didn't know what I thought of it. Then Nick told me he thought the blonde looked like I had gray hair and then the meltdown was about to ensue. I had to go back now and tell her to dye it back over. I was about to run to the store and box dye my whole head to cover them up. I wasn't going to step outside because I looked like a freak of nature. ....And then, I took a deep breath. And made an appointment for a few days later, so I had more time to get used to it and see if I liked them or not. And I did! But I did go back and had them toned.

So I've learned that I can be a tad bit over the top about some pretty petty things. And I get a little bit too emotionally involved in...everything. It will probably be a work in progress for the rest of my life, but it's good to know.

Day 23: Favorite Books

Ah, this shall be a fun one! :D

Obviously all-time favorite best book in the whole world is...you guessed it, The Bible!

Which I actually wanted to say a quick word about that the husband and I had discussed a day or two ago. It was how often people want to pick 1 verse out of the Bible and try to dissect it without reading the rest of the passage. They go on about their opinion on what such and such might maybe mean, when if they just read the few verses before that, you would see that "such and such" was already explained. Kind of like in a paper, you might abbreviate a word that you were going to use over and over again so as to not type the whole thing out every time. So if somebody started midway through, they might be a tad confused.
Anyway....just thought that was pretty interesting, simple and very true. I found it insightful.

Book #2 is kind of gonna clash with Book #1. Teehee! At least in my mom's opinion (and quite a few others, but her most closely related to me). I am in LURVE with the Harry Potter series! I love, love, loooove every single one of those books! The goblet of fire being my favorite, favorite. And I didn't care for the movies too much until they expanded their budget and started to make them awesome. I cannot WAIT for part II of the Deathly Hallows. EEK!!!! (That was my insane fan girl scream). And I just wanna point out that Edward was Cedric Diggory before he became a vampire. Also, I used to have a massive crush on Oliver Wood. Just sayin'.

I have too many that I love to list them all, so instead of books I'm just going to name the author--Sophie Kinsella. Ahh! Give me anything by her and I will devour it within hours! I love her writing! She's so hilarious and all of the crazy things that happen to the characters are so...like, YES that would totally happen in real-life to ME. It's relatable! I will say a slight con is that a lot of the books are kiiiinda the same story, just with different twists. But that's alright--I love them all!

And the last I shall mention is actually going to be another author. Sandra Boynton! She's a children's book author, and Ryan owns like, 5 of her board books already. I loved her even before I was pregnant with him, so....he will eventually have her entire collection probably. Hehe! The drawings are just so cute and I love her humor! They're so adorable, but not cheesy and really funny. I read Ryan "Night-Night, Little Pookie" every night for bed. And I'll be buying him "Happy Birthday, Little Pookie" in a couple months to finish off his Pookie collection.

Just a few of my top faves! <3

Until tomorrow, my luffs. Which is also a fun one...iPod shuffle! Woot!

Day 22: What's in your purse?

Nothing. Because I don't actually USE a purse right now! I had a little mishap where I was leaving my purse in the car every evening after work, because I didn't use any of the contents when I was in the house. It was kind of a hassle to carry with the baby and whatnot, so I just started leaving it on the floor in the passenger side of my car. Weeeeeell, I either forgot to lock it, or somebody broke into it one night and had rifled through all my compartments in the car and had taken the purse.... Waahh! :( I actually ended up getting it back. Whoever took it just dumped it in the alley behind our house (because it didn't have anything useful in it. Dur.) But it's kind of tainted with unease now, so I quit using it. I have other purses, but I just started carrying a wristlet instead. I really enjoy it so much more. I bought this one from my Thirty-One Gifts consultant about 2 months ago...

And I am lovin' it! It has a perfect size pocket on the outside with a velcro strap for my cell phone, and whenever I carry it anywhere, I just slip my key ring over the wristlet. I love the fabric I chose. It's very much my style and the little floral pattern has so many colors that it goes with practically ALL of my outfits!
On the inside there's a little coin pocket that I hardly ever use, but there is currently $1.01 in there right now. It did come in handy the other day to satisfy a Mike's Chill craving! I'd say about 95%  of the time there is NO cash in my wallet, and MC doesn't take debit cards! AHH! So I pulled together quite a few quarters from the change pocket and cup holders in my car. Cookie Dough Chiller...I love you.
I have a Target gift card, which I think has about $10? left on it. A O'Charley's gift card that I'm not sure has any money on it...
Something for Nick for Father's day that I can't say just incase he reads this... :)
My Driver's License that expires in less than a month--AHH again! Because I turned 21. Now I get a fancy schmany NORMAL landscape-style license rather than this goofy portrait crap. Haha! (Do you guys even know what I'm talking about? That was confusing.)
Okay, I DO have $46 in cash, but only because I haven't deposited it in the bank yet.
A Mary Kay sales slip, a mail delivery confirmation receipt, Big Lots receipt, 2 Walmart receipts, PoTC movie stub and an Arby's receipt (French Dip. YUM!).
My "business" account debit card and Nick and I's joint account debit card....and that's all! Not exactly the most exciting "purse" dive in the world. And even if I still used a purse, it wouldn't have been exciting either. It was always empty save my wallet, phone and keys. And maybe a tumbleweed or two.

Um, tomorrow is favorite movie again. Does that mean free pass? I shall seek alternative topics and see you then!

Day 21: Favorite picture of yourself of all time

Of all time? There is no way I am decisive enough to choose a favorite OF ALL TIME! Gimme a break.

Though this is the photo that first came to mind....it's pretty and kinda artsy fartsy. So I'll go with it. :P

Day 20: Nicknames

Nat
(Family)

Nattikins
(Unknown...Emilie?)

Koosh Muffin
(Emily Becker)

Raschel?
(Mason/"Wolf")

Nats
(Online Friend)

Nattie
(Me, maybe?)

Day 19: Something you miss

Okay, I know this is going to sound kind of weird and totally opposite to what normal people miss....buuut....

I miss living at home.

Get out of here, right?! Don't get me wrong, I'm lovin' life right here and now, but it always tugs on my heartstrings a little when I go hang out with my little sister Emilie at my parents house, and the time starts to wane and I have to get my stuff and drive back to our apartment. I mean, even after two years my bedroom is right there down the hall. Sure, my decorations are all gone, but the furniture and my bed are there, and I think even all my goofy posters and drawings are stapled to the back of the closet wall still.
I feel like I hardly ever go outside anymore. There's just so much pavement and people...out at my parents house it's completely private, not a car in sight, and just looking at the big stretches of green grass and my favorite shady tree makes me remember the yearning feeling I used to get to just go outside and sit. Or sing. Or run around with our dogs.
Whenever I go to work at the store, and I stay until closing time and my dad turns out the lights...I remember staying late to play Warcraft (we only had dial-up at home) until ridiculous hours of the morning with my online friends and having such a wonderful time.
And it's selfish, but going with my mom and sister shopping and having to buy just the couple things that I can afford at the time makes me miss being able to just buy the things I needed or wanted without thinking, "This $20 shirt, or a box of diapers?" I wasn't frivolous about those things even then, but I really can't be now. I always wish I had been a little bit crazier about the things I bought now, but I'm sure my parents were glad that I wasn't. ;P

I'm a strange one.

Until tomorrow!

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

Somebody just asked me this the other day, actually. And it really depends on a lot of things...How hungry I am, what type of food I'm in the mood for, location or willingness to drive far, time of day. But I would say for the most part, I am up for Olive Garden at just about any given moment! I am in love with their salad, which is kind of strange because I prefer ranch dressing and am not a giant fan of lettuce in general. But I love it just the way it comes with that yummy Italian and some grated cheese. YUM! And it's a rare enough occasion that I get to go there, that I'm never willing to sacrifice eating my favorite to try something different. Fettuccine Alfredo for the win! It's a little sad though, because I am always a little curious what another dish would be like. Not sad enough for me to ever find out though. ;)

Okay, I'm really hungry now and I just ate. >: /

Sorry for the super long break and blah blah blah. To only stick with something for 2 weeks is so typical of me. Ugh. I really need to push the envelope and try to up my consistency.

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to

Simply...

SUMMER! :)

I know that it's technically here already, but I mean the events that will happen during summer. I can't wait to get Ryan a little baby pool and have fun with him and Keaghan (A little baby boy who lives in the other apartment) playing outside. I can't wait for our landlords to open up the patio section of our house for us and grill out with some friends. I'm so looking forward to all the walks that Ryan and I will take and the beautiful summer flowers. I'm looking forward to the 4th of July and eating popsicles. I'm (cross your fingers) looking forward to losing more weight and feeling more confident steppin' out in some shorts. :)

There are things about summer than I'm not super psyched about. But let's not damper the mood with any of that. :P

<3

Day 16: Dream House

My dream house would probably not be crazy HUGE, but pretty darn big....at least 4 bedrooms, a master bedroom with a bathroom of its own and a maaaassive jacuzzi tub. But I would like the house to be sweet and homey, and have a big porch with furniture and a porch swing. A patio and a in-ground pool, a grand staircase, ample backyard, stocked with gorgeous light fixtures and stainless steel appliances. A big, but cozy kitchen, non of that sterile minimalistic crap. Super plush furniture, a huge TV and a roaring fireplace to cozy up to in the winter. And french doors. Lots and lots of french doors!

And that is not a dream that I think will ever come true. Which has it's pros, because I can barely keep our apartment tidy, let alone a huge house with multiple bathrooms. Kill me now! :P But I suppose if I lived in such a place I could also afford housekeeping, so yeeeah.

Nick saw a house for sale down the street from us and he really liked it from the outside. I think that this is the first time ever that he's searched the internets for house listings and I've felt like--you're wasting your time, don't bother, too expensive, what's wrong with where we live right now?

And seriously. I love where we live. I am in rare form to be so content and happy. I'm always looking for the bigger and better thing, but right now I am just dandy! For our financial situation, I feel like I already live in the dream house of our current "class". Which doesn't mean I've stopped looking for the better thing to decorate it with. Eep. ;)

Come on. Don't you love it?! I LOVE IT! :)
It's an apartment, but you would barely know, right? The house has so much character compared to the little box-o-partment that we lived in before. It's so pretty and cozy here. I just love it! (Could I say that one more time?) And I also love that we know and are friendly with the other renters. Our landlords are also wonderful. And the rent is crazy awwwesooome.

Anywaaaay. If you want to go see the other post I wrote about moving into this amazing space, you can right here.

Talk at you guys tomorrow. ;)

Day 15: A Bible Verse

 I don't know at what point that I chose this verse as my favorite, and if I went and looked for a verse specifically, I would probably find another that I would like better. But I've always been fond of Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 I always found that verse to be very comforting. I know in the context he's specifically speaking to a group of people, but ah well! I still like it. :)